Restraints

Restraints

When we harbor guilt, pain, trauma, disappointments within our heart, we bear the brunt of being in chronic mental pain for a very long time. We allow these things to infiltrate our minds, we allow them rule us, we allow them become our voice—eventually, our identity. So intense, these things eventually begin to permeate our being, hence, it becomes us. It overwhelms us, it overpowers us, it overshadows our thinking—making everything that once bore a hint of clarity, undefined. These things have the power to consume us, leaving no room for light, peace, or love.

Pain is a powerful emotion. When coupled with guilt, trauma and disappointments, it delves into unknown territory which many, hardly come out the same. We must be mindful that pain has the potential to dim every ounce of light that may try to find its way within us, and through us. We must be careful to not allow pain dictate, speak, or control who we are. We must never bow to its whims, and most of all we must not welcome and/or relish its feigned comfort, in our day to day interactions.

Yes, pain is an emotion, and many suffer with it until the day they die. Yes, some never recover, and many even turn to artificial relief—in form of drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, and bitterness. Yes, bitterness can be a coping mechanism too, because like the saying goes “hurt people, hurt people”.

Yes, pain is free. But it is very costly, and you cannot walk away from pain, whole. It strips you of every fiber of your very being, it steals your joy, and leaves you helpless—in hopes of escaping light, each time. Light will elude you, and love will have no place within you. Such a terrible phenomenon, this pain; it appears to never get better, instead it exalts itself over your very being, leaving you to wallow in the darkest corners of your heart—broken and without.

Get out! Be vigilant, remain aware and bring to light every pain you face today. Confront it, stare at it in its face, and speak your deliverance from it. Although this is not easy, but it is something that must be done if peace, love, joy and light is what you seek. We must not depend on others to find relief, neither should we depend on any outside establishment to bring us “relief”. Be your own relief, live life—with the likeness of an infant. Free, devoid of every type of darkness or lack of joy thereof. Refuse to be restrained any further. Let go, just remember, you have the power. ONLY you can say “enough”, and truly walk away with your held high. Put pain to shame by silencing its power over you.

Decree and declare

Pain, you cannot control me.

I choose what I feel, when I feel, and how I feel.

Pain, you are not what I want to feel today.

Pain, I want to be free today and for the rest of my life

Pain, your time is up, you must leave now

Pain, I choose to BE alive today

Pain, I deserve to be free…

Pain, I AM free…

 

From Ashes..

It has been so long since i put my thoughts down…. So much has happened, and i don’t even know where to start. A couple of weeks ago, i had a conversation with an old friend. As i was on my way back from work, she crossed my mind and so i decided to call her. After spending almost an hour getting caught up on life, I remembered how much i missed her. I remember when we would hang out, taking long drives out-of-town, how we would talk on the phone for hours, how we would spend time together–just being Free. And then it dawned on me…I really miss her.

You see, marriage and motherhood has a way of making you choose between what you would like to do vs what you must do. It has a way of showing you another side of life that draws you away from “you” and focus on others, who bring so much more into your life. Not that my friends and previous lifestyle didn’t bring me much, but, i mean this my saying that my husband and my sweet baby girl are my LIFE today.

I told my friend this, and she too, also agrees that i am experiencing one of the most beautiful experiences of my life right now, and nobody has a right to take that feeling away from me or even distract me from it. She understands that, one day, she will also get to enjoy and experience this blessing which she can almost imagine today. Her words have always been true and comforting. I know her and she knows me. She knows that life has its own way of turning things around from one thing to the other.

Although i miss her, i can also look at my life today and see how far i have come. Not just from a girl who once thought “nothing” would ever come between her and her life. But today, i can see this woman who looks at herself in the mirror every morning and says “yes, you’ve really come this far. Now, go ACHIEVE MORE!”.

I am grateful, i am content, though it hasn’t always been an easy road, but i can honestly say, i wouldn’t have it no other way!

Airy thoughts: Little things matter!

Little things mean a lot. I mean, if life were to ask, “What are some of the things that brings you joy?” I am sure most replies would be peace, unconditional love, and contentment. Some might add more to that list, to me, the littlest of things count. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I believe in little, oh-I’m-going to-go-puke (sarcasm), cute little notes, sweet random calls for nothings, and the list goes on. You clearly get the idea, don’t you?

Well, as eclectic as my interests are in life, one thing is for sure, I AM a hopeless romantic. I am undeniably unapologetic, and almost proud about this distinctive character trait of mine. Call me a dreamer, but I love the passionate effect of things related to love. I love late night conversations, long walks, starry moonlit nights, eh—you get the picture.

Therefore, when it comes to relationships, I pretty much judge it by the intensity of the “hopeless-romance effect.” Not always, but at least, in the beginning I use it as a gauge to see how far or how good/bad things are going. It may sound superficial to some, but to those who understand my plight, this is crucial to my intrinsic psyche.

In retrospect, I want to be cuddled, I want to be protected, and most importantly, I want to be loved— the right way. Love is very hard to come by these days, and I will consider myself lucky when I come across that kind of love. Of course, love is not just about the cute little texts, sweet random messages, no! It is much more than that, considering the fact that love is virtually nonexistent in an excessive consumerist society like ours today.

Love me for me

Tell me the things that matter, not what you think I’d love to hear

Love me in spite of me

Never letting these flaws, chips away at our love

Let this thing being built; grow into that thing we both deeply desire

This thing called love—is only near… hidden deep within us

A Love Like Air: The Perfect definition

A Love Like Air: The Perfect definition.

A Love Like Air: The Perfect definition

I once thought, love, or something like it came with flashing lights and bold signs. I once thought there would actually be floating signs, telling you that “yes, this is love.” Nevertheless, to my understanding nowadays, the former and hence the latter, is absolutely vague and impossible to determine. Many would love to know what love truly is, and who is truly loving and worthy to be loved. Why must there be so many thoughts, inconsistent as they come, which will eventually drive you insane from analyzing every little action, to prove the existence of love.

The New International Version of the Holy Bible (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) best describes love, as we should know it and understand it. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

Every time I have those feelings of doubts regarding whether “yes, this is love,” I remember this beautiful scripture. It is pure, it is real, and it is as simple as it can be. The simplicity of it just reminds us of how complicated, we as human beings, have allowed this consumerist society to turn us into a people who have forgotten the true meaning of love. What many regard as love today is actually a heightened sense of lust. In a society that lusts for things, and not taking up an actual interest in a person’s character; what is an honest and determining factor when it comes to simply liking someone?

So, where does love come into all of this? Love is patient, love is kind, as simple as it sounds, and many have still missed its mark. Love is simply patient, it will wait, it will not push, shove, and it will not call you names (verbal/physical/emotional abuse).

It does not envy, it does not boast and it is not proud. In other words, anything loud is evidently an empty vessel if you think about it. Love, as this scripture declares, does not envy, as it simply abhors jealousy in any form of love-intended relationship. Love does not boast and it does not brag, and I can just imagine those excessive social media posts about people’s personal relationships. Their excessive posts about their love lives, simply shows a need for validation, and according to this verse, is there a correlation there?

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs. This is one of my favorite verses, as it is evident with the rise of social media relationship rants and raves. One slight mistake, some people are quick to post a hurtful status about their other half, slighting them at every opportunity given. In reality, communication is obviously vital here, and is one of the ways to diffuse any impending issues resulting from anger, frustration, and record keeping of wrong doings (passive aggressiveness).

Love does not delight in evil, but it rejoices with the truth. This momentous verse speaks to many trust issues faced in relationships. In retrospect, trust issues are likely one of the major catalysts to unsuccessful and turbulent relationships. I cannot possibly think of any relationship that can survive with a foundation built with faltering trust.

Finally, it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Again, issues of trust are revisited, showing the importance of trust in every successful relationships. Trust is very important because its essence is rooted with an undeniable faith. How can one even expect to continue loving someone else in that relationship if there isn’t any trust? Let trust grow in the beginning, which is why it is very much advisable to begin with friendship. Consequently, a friendship between two people is an ongoing test of trust and faith in one another. Again, I must refer to one of my favorite quotes from the Holy Bible, “can two walk together if they do not agree?”

Airy thoughts, significant ramblings..

Just a thought, if your significant other isn’t proud of your accomplishments, no matter how small, they’ll probably downplay your greater accomplishments when the time comes…

If they’re constantly reminding you of not having “accomplished anything yet”…. Run…very…far…and fast. They’re not motivating you, instead, they’re bringing you down. Be proud of your accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem.

We all want to be accepted, and acknowledged, but one thing’s for sure; if you haven’t truly accepted yourself, how could you possibly expect others to accept you?

The wrong one

The wrong kind of love

We’ve all been there. At least some of us. That one relationship that left us scarred for life, leaving us in a state of conflicting distrust—a definite, that we may never easily trust again. So what’s in it for us? We may ask ourselves when found in a situation where we are prompted to even as little as try to trust again. We make known the hidden uncertainties of our past the present, sending those around us in a state of panic as they battle the mixed signals being sent out to them. I can’t begin to comprehend how easy it is for one to trust another so easily, especially in love/romantic relationships.

Loving the wrong one can bring a lot of pain in the end. When these fleeting relationships are at its peak, we forget to really pay attention to the signs. Instead, we focus on potentials, thus forcing us into a state of masked escapism wherein only our insecurities appear faltered. Everything seems bleak, in fact, we are easily convinced that, the hidden pain we feel is just one of those things that come with love. Yes, we actually convince ourselves subconsciously that these things are normal. In such little time, we’ve allowed ourselves to believe the impossible—that which we once feared, now an unmasked reality.

Rekindling Friendships: The little things count..

Today, my very good friend Liz gave me a fancy journal. You know, the ones with the sturdy back and fine paper leaf. This beautiful journal, came with fancy pages, I could only smile as soon as I laid my eyes on it.

She knows how much I love to write, so she decided to surprise me with this nice gift. To many, it’s just a small gesture but to me, it’s a beautiful gesture that just tells me that she thinks fondly of me. Not only does she enjoy our friendship and our special “girl talks”, but she also thought of me when she saw this journal.

She knew right then that there’s a writer in her life who would benefit from this awesome gift. Then, she just gave it to me out of the most sincere, heartfelt way. Okay, maybe not so emotional, but she gave me this journal in the most genuine way possible. It was almost like a je n’ai sais quoi kind of way, “oh, I got you something.” Just like that! Little did she know how much it meant to me.

In hearing those words, I never imagined it would be something this sweet–a new journal. Everyone close to me knows how much I write my ideas down, doodling everywhere, and just occasionally blurting out random ideas –airing my thoughts at those unplanned moments. This is exactly what I needed!

Why does this matter to me? Well, because for one, she’s a busy mom with kids and she still found time to remember me. She saw something that would benefit me, and she had to get it for me, simply because it reminded her of me. Secondly, she knows how much I enjoy writing! What an awesome way to encourage someone who at times doubts their writing skills as not being any good. In retrospect, she made my evening regardless, and this has really earned her a lot of extra respect from my end.

Little things DO mean a lot, especially if you have a heart that appreciates the littlest of gestures. In good and bad times, I pray we’ll always remember these little gestures as a resounding acknowledgement that, there’s always a friend who looks out for you when you least expect it. You’ll just have to open your heart to experience this…from within.

Selfish Love

Selfish love; it seldom grows.

Who would like to fall for someone who only cares about what’s in it for them. They imagine an ideal relationship devoid of an eventual “we”, they allow their minds to remain stuck in that “me” stage.

A stage where only their needs and wants grow, in fact, they see no one else but themselves. This is toxic! Very unhealthy to say the least! It can never grow, and I can only imagine this “selfish love” being stifled for a very short period of time indeed.

Love, though complicated, I believe it is something that must be shared. Love is a conscious choice, therefore, if you’re willing to love someone, there must be room made for compromises. So, this thing called love, must be respected—no matter what. In a love-romance-intimate relationship, we must always remember to make a conscious effort to support the other.

Remember it is always about the other person, putting them first at all times. If two people give to each other, how then can anything lack in that relationship? Selfish love is not fun, it drains you, and eventually wears you out physically and mentally.

Prosé: Sweet words of l’amour

Cherish me, in my most vulnerable times
Console me, when the tears just find it hard to cease
Comfort me, in the times I feel like there’s nothing left…
Is it Too much to ask, if I asked, your hands caressing my back
When the pain just won’t cease?

How sweet, the words of l’amour
The sweet words of irrevocable magnificence
A magnificent tune, I find so irresistible to indulge
The sweet melodies of love, only you and I know its lyrics
Our dance, a melodious trance, just for two
As For you, I know your tune will never miss a beat

This beat, we’ve become accustomed to its rhythm
One, two, three and four times, your heartbeats still never skips a beat
In just a moment, a beat would be the least of our troubles

As troubles come, they’ll also go
And as for this dance, we’ll always know
How sweet, the words of L’amour is
Every step brings us closer
Closer and closer, to what we know
The sweet words of L’amour will always grow