The wrong one

The wrong kind of love

We’ve all been there. At least some of us. That one relationship that left us scarred for life, leaving us in a state of conflicting distrust—a definite, that we may never easily trust again. So what’s in it for us? We may ask ourselves when found in a situation where we are prompted to even as little as try to trust again. We make known the hidden uncertainties of our past the present, sending those around us in a state of panic as they battle the mixed signals being sent out to them. I can’t begin to comprehend how easy it is for one to trust another so easily, especially in love/romantic relationships.

Loving the wrong one can bring a lot of pain in the end. When these fleeting relationships are at its peak, we forget to really pay attention to the signs. Instead, we focus on potentials, thus forcing us into a state of masked escapism wherein only our insecurities appear faltered. Everything seems bleak, in fact, we are easily convinced that, the hidden pain we feel is just one of those things that come with love. Yes, we actually convince ourselves subconsciously that these things are normal. In such little time, we’ve allowed ourselves to believe the impossible—that which we once feared, now an unmasked reality.

Rekindling Friendships: The little things count..

Today, my very good friend Liz gave me a fancy journal. You know, the ones with the sturdy back and fine paper leaf. This beautiful journal, came with fancy pages, I could only smile as soon as I laid my eyes on it.

She knows how much I love to write, so she decided to surprise me with this nice gift. To many, it’s just a small gesture but to me, it’s a beautiful gesture that just tells me that she thinks fondly of me. Not only does she enjoy our friendship and our special “girl talks”, but she also thought of me when she saw this journal.

She knew right then that there’s a writer in her life who would benefit from this awesome gift. Then, she just gave it to me out of the most sincere, heartfelt way. Okay, maybe not so emotional, but she gave me this journal in the most genuine way possible. It was almost like a je n’ai sais quoi kind of way, “oh, I got you something.” Just like that! Little did she know how much it meant to me.

In hearing those words, I never imagined it would be something this sweet–a new journal. Everyone close to me knows how much I write my ideas down, doodling everywhere, and just occasionally blurting out random ideas –airing my thoughts at those unplanned moments. This is exactly what I needed!

Why does this matter to me? Well, because for one, she’s a busy mom with kids and she still found time to remember me. She saw something that would benefit me, and she had to get it for me, simply because it reminded her of me. Secondly, she knows how much I enjoy writing! What an awesome way to encourage someone who at times doubts their writing skills as not being any good. In retrospect, she made my evening regardless, and this has really earned her a lot of extra respect from my end.

Little things DO mean a lot, especially if you have a heart that appreciates the littlest of gestures. In good and bad times, I pray we’ll always remember these little gestures as a resounding acknowledgement that, there’s always a friend who looks out for you when you least expect it. You’ll just have to open your heart to experience this…from within.

Selfish Love

Selfish love; it seldom grows.

Who would like to fall for someone who only cares about what’s in it for them. They imagine an ideal relationship devoid of an eventual “we”, they allow their minds to remain stuck in that “me” stage.

A stage where only their needs and wants grow, in fact, they see no one else but themselves. This is toxic! Very unhealthy to say the least! It can never grow, and I can only imagine this “selfish love” being stifled for a very short period of time indeed.

Love, though complicated, I believe it is something that must be shared. Love is a conscious choice, therefore, if you’re willing to love someone, there must be room made for compromises. So, this thing called love, must be respected—no matter what. In a love-romance-intimate relationship, we must always remember to make a conscious effort to support the other.

Remember it is always about the other person, putting them first at all times. If two people give to each other, how then can anything lack in that relationship? Selfish love is not fun, it drains you, and eventually wears you out physically and mentally.

Prosé: Sweet words of l’amour

Cherish me, in my most vulnerable times
Console me, when the tears just find it hard to cease
Comfort me, in the times I feel like there’s nothing left…
Is it Too much to ask, if I asked, your hands caressing my back
When the pain just won’t cease?

How sweet, the words of l’amour
The sweet words of irrevocable magnificence
A magnificent tune, I find so irresistible to indulge
The sweet melodies of love, only you and I know its lyrics
Our dance, a melodious trance, just for two
As For you, I know your tune will never miss a beat

This beat, we’ve become accustomed to its rhythm
One, two, three and four times, your heartbeats still never skips a beat
In just a moment, a beat would be the least of our troubles

As troubles come, they’ll also go
And as for this dance, we’ll always know
How sweet, the words of L’amour is
Every step brings us closer
Closer and closer, to what we know
The sweet words of L’amour will always grow

What WE know: Our reality

Late into the night, I am riddled with thoughts of you, still…

How could I possibly pretend as if this never impacted me from then on? I think of you more than you’ll ever imagine, and it’s okay because I know you probably do the same. My mind knows your name, it knows YOU more than I claim it to be, and so I ask myself, will it ever end?

We knew this day would come

We just never rushed it, because we knew it would bring its own victory

Despite the intensity of it all, we still managed to quell those long awaited expectations

What is time, that we rather rush it before its moment is ripened?

What is time, that we reject its feigned absence of what we know to be true?

Is time really real when it comes to lost time, during those times of unmasked uncertainties?

As it happened, now, we are left to fend for the life possibly created

A sweet little creation, waiting to be created

My restless mind, pondering the dates, a mashup of miscalculated could-be’s

My restless mind, still in astonishment—pondering all that could’ve been saved

What’s done is done, no going back

What’s said has been said, no looking back

Forging ahead, now we must prepare…for come what may

What may come, could be a lasting joy

Created for us, with love from above

 

 

 

 

 

 

Promises: An expensive currency

Promises are one of those things in life we just don’t want to get ourselves entangled in, at least the broken promises that is. If you make promises, you are obligated to keep them. In all formalities, let’s describe this condescending word “promise”. What is a promise? According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, a promise is referred to as a declaration that one will do or refrain from doing something specified. Yes, that something specified is where I draw my most critical attention to. With all its attributes, a promise is never fulfilled until all its obligations are met.

So why do people take it for granted? Promises are meant to be kept, and never to be broken. Of course there are unintended broken promises, but most of the time a lot of heartbreaks stem from these same broken promises. As it is said, so should it be! Simple.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep. This is part of a trust-building issue. See, I myself, am guilty of past involvement associated with broken promises. I saw how bad it hurt people, and I have made a conscious commitment to ensure I make things right. You see, for every promise you break, just imagine your trustworthiness balloon being popped each time. Soon enough, you’ll be out of balloons, and eventually left with nothing but your fickle words.

Promises are expensive and we must be careful not to waste them, or misuse them carelessly. They are meant to uphold and not withhold. Remember being heartbroken as a child when you discovered a promise was all a lie? Well, that applies to adults too. So, keep that in mind the next time you make these imposing promises. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, there are too many people suffering from issues relating to trust, and your broken promises won’t help them in any way

Remember these things:

A promise is a promise

Say what you mean, and mean what you say

Your word is your bond

If you’re not sure, don’t pledge

Don’t make promises in emotionally compromising times

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, or was it?

Our paths crossed for a reason. It wasn’t coincidental, I like to think of such “coincidences” as fate making its presence known in our individual destinies—intertwined. Fate brought us together for a reason, and that reason is my reason for holding on to something so inexplicably delightful, and appeasing in the most natural way. I like to think of these chance-meetings as something of a lesson waiting to be learned, or possibly the possibility of “forevers” in the making.

Forevers in the making, I like the sound of that

But how can we grow if we both find it hard to feel?

Feelings of joy, feelings of love we watch being stifled

In our stillness, time constantly escapes us, each passing day lost to fear

We watch helplessly as fear drives us further apart

How can we really grow if forevers are an unsure thing?

How can we grow without equal effort?

How can this thing we have be epic, if all we do is criticize one another?

Failing to notice the right things, we allow our hidden notions emphasize the meaningless concerns

So I ask myself, has fate come to teach me another passing lesson—in time?

Is fate here to remind me not to place my hopes on “forevers”?

Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, or was it?

Let’s Just Talk like nobody’s listening

I don’t know why, but stimulating conversations move me. I’m talking about conversations that actually take effort, and not just the mindless chatter of our days. One of the fastest ways to get me out of touch is to starve me, mentally. Yes, I said it! Stimulating conversations are like food to my soul. Call me an idealist or what you may, but I cherish positive, thought-provoking, rich, purposeful, and deep conversations that just leaves me wondering; the possibilities of what could be, and come what may. You see, as someone who enjoys being mentally stimulated, you can’t expect to have a thriving relationship with me if conversations as such don’t move you in any sense. These are part of my wants, and in some cases my desires, as it evolves into the imaginations of anticipated foreplay. At times, I yearn for deep conversations and I actually get offended if it’s nowhere in sight.

It’s so hard to find quality conversations these days, and each time I come across one, they have me excited like I just hit the lottery. These conversations are like life to me, and I can count how many people in my life who have lived up to this expectation. I just enjoy discussions pertaining to life and its mysteries, behaviors, art, spirituality, anything that has to do with freedom, and most exciting of all impromptu prose. I pray for these things in a future partner, and I would desperately hope God sends that along indefinitely.

I once met someone who gave me the best conversations. We would talk for hours on end, we would share ideas and thoughts, inspirations never lived far from us. You see, they had a mind full of creative imaginations, and I would sometimes marvel at how easily they could slip into a creative disposition, baring their soul with just pen and paper. It was one of the most beautiful things I ever experienced. I enjoyed their presence in my life, they motivated me, and I looked forward to seeing them each time. And then one day, death took them away. I looked within for comfort and closure thereafter, then I discovered how writing and delving in the world of arts, will bring me into this blissful peaceful place. This place of rest where I can look within for answers still, while silently hoping and wishing I’d come across that delightful food for the soul—another deep conversation like no other. Silently waiting, secretly wishing that unintentional “hello’s”, and the lifeless “how are you’s’” will someday, at some point turn into meaningful greetings and purposeful questions indicating curiosity.

In the event that I meet someone who enjoys feeding me with these conversations, I propose that they would have already won my heart. Now, this may sound fickle, but trust me it’s much more complicated than that. You see, there’s a difference between purposeful deep genuine-interest-driven conversations versus i-just-want to-impress-you-boring-uninspired type of conversation. Fortunately, I can smell that from afar even before the first few words are uttered. Those are the type of conversations I tend to run away from, here you’ll probably get no text-backs, or late call backs or even day later email responses. Anyone who tries to engage me in these shallow uninspiring conversations is only paving the way for the death of our relationship, or whatever it is we have in common. To me, conversations matter. I look at it as an invitation, an invitation into one’s world. Deep conversations are just all I need at times, just someone to share inspired thoughts about the mysteries and understanding of life. This is where concrete intimacy is built, and to its greatest extent, we are held bound by the mysteries every word spoken relinquishes to our souls. Every word, every thought, every idea shared, we are always reminded of what it actually means to “talk” and “listen” with great intent, to just understand the other person. “Can two walk together if they don’t agree?” Amos 3:3

 

Rising to fall?

Sometimes our rise to greatness may suffer a great fall. That fall is where the strength to rise back up lies. Proving to the world that we are able to rise again, is the key to rectification. In those times of uncertainties, we are left to fend for ourselves while watching the ones who once rooted for us, walk out on us as if we never existed. Our existence begins to elude us as we imagine what it would be like if we  ceased to be. Leaving all that’s left in these times of worries to fate. Yes, fate is the one thing we know to be mostly accurate, depending on where our faith lies.

In times of uncertainties, let’s not forget to live.

Life as we know it, will never cease to be.

A time to rise again, we must fight to be

Living as if we’ve been given one more chance to live

To be that which we were created to be

As we once were, that which most aspired to be

We must remember that today, our present, is a chance to rise again.

A chance to live life again, once more

Communication roadblocks: Finding that light

Communication roadblocks: Finding that light.